I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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