I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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