What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
