Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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