here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
