were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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