I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
