I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Randomize
