the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
