I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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