just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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