exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
