I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
