What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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