He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
