billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Bring me that man meat
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
