um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
there is glitter all over my balls
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
