i permit you to call me
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
