for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Randomize
