Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
