T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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