my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Hippo gnu deer
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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