i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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