I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
