Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
