I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
