i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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