I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
