So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
