Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
