I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
