I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
