Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
