I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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