what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
