Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
