I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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