My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
3 2 1 whiskey
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
