There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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