I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
