I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
