so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
