and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
