You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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