Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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