Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
