I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
