Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
