I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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