Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
