I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
