There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
