I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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