i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
