I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
vagina is talking i cant
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Randomize
