he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
